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How to Talk About Disabilities Positively at Family Gatherings

Family gathered around a dining table, enjoying conversation and shared moments, illustrating inclusive and positive interactions during holiday gatherings.
Family gatherings can be full of joy — shared meals, old stories, and laughter. But for many families raising children with disabilities, these moments can also spark awkward questions or well‑intentioned but uninformed comments. 

How we handle these conversations matters deeply. They’re an opportunity to turn misunderstanding into awareness — and kindness into connection.  



1. Lead With Strengths  


Parent and child playing puzzles while modeling positive, strength-based ways to talk about disabilities at family gatherings.


Start with what’s going well.  

“Zara loves puzzles — she can sit and focus for hours.”  


Framing your child through strengths rather than challenges helps shape a more balanced and empowering story. When family members see abilities first, it shifts how they interpret difference.  


If you use Charting the LifeCourse or PATH tools, bring a visual or snapshot of your child’s goals and progress.


It’s a great way to show growth while helping relatives understand what supports matter most. 



2. Model Inclusive Language


Group of relatives talking privately, demonstrating respectful ways to address disability-related questions at family gatherings.

Lead by example.


  • Use people‑first language (e.g., “my child who has Down syndrome”) unless your child prefers identity‑affirming language (e.g., “my autistic teenager”).  

  • Replace outdated terms like “special needs” or “suffers from” with more accurate phrases such as “learning differences” or “support needs.”  

  • Encourage others kindly — “We’ve found this language helps people focus on his strengths.”



3. Set Compassionate Boundaries


Child studying in a classroom, showing how families can model positive disability conversations by focusing on strengths and inclusive learning.

You don’t have to educate everyone at once. Sometimes a short, calm redirection does the job:  


“She learns in a different way, and the school’s really helping her thrive.”  


It’s okay to protect your child’s dignity and your peace during gatherings. Consider planning phrases ahead of time to help avoid becoming defensive in the moment.



4. Use Stories, Not Stats


Parent reading a storybook with their child to introduce positive disability language and inclusive conversations at family gatherings.

Personal stories build understanding faster than technical explanations.


Share:  


  • A time your child self‑advocated  

  • What inclusion looks like in their classroom  

  • Something they’re proud of achieving this year  


Stories help others connect emotionally — and emotional connection builds empathy.



5. Make Family Part of the Solution


Family standing together facing the sunset, symbolizing inclusive and supportive actions that foster positive conversations about disabilities at gatherings.

Many relatives want to help but don’t know how.


Give specific ways to participate:  

  • “She loves reading aloud — can you ask her to pick the bedtime story later?”  

  • “Thank you for waiting patiently while he gets his words — that means a lot.”  


When inclusion turns into shared action, acceptance becomes natural.



6. Keep the Focus on Belonging


Family enjoying dinner together, highlighting belonging, inclusion, and positive conversations about disabilities during holiday gatherings.

Disability is a natural part of human diversity.


The goal isn’t to erase differences — it’s to celebrate everyone’s unique ways of being and learning.  


“What makes our holiday work is that everyone shows up exactly as they are.”  


That’s the kind of inclusion that sticks — and grows stronger each year.



Conversation Starters



Inclusive Conversation Starters:  

  • “What’s something new you learned this year?”  

  • “What helps you feel comfortable in a new situation?”  

  • “What’s one small thing we can do to make the holidays easier for everyone?”  

  • “What’s a strength you’ve noticed in [child’s name] lately?”  

  • “How can our family include everyone in this activity?”  


These gentle, open questions spark meaningful connection — without making disability the only topic at the table.



Resources for Maryland Families  




Final Thought


Talking about disability isn’t just advocacy — it’s love in action.


When we model pride, belonging, and positive language, we invite our families to grow more inclusive with us. And that kind of change starts right around the dinner table.

 
 
 

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